When I was younger, I was a people pleaser. I constantly worried about how others saw me: my parents, my friends, my classmates, even society. Everyone wants to belong, to be loved, accepted, and valued. So we start listening to the opinions of others, hoping their approval will make us feel whole.
But with all those voices around me, I started to lose my own. I felt like I was having an identity crisis. Was I just becoming a mix of everyone else’s expectations? What was it that I truly wanted?
Looking back, I realize I could have avoided mistakes if I had simply stayed true to my own character. I wish I had someone to guide me, to teach me how to build solid character and grow into a strong, grounded woman. That’s why I’m sharing this now, so you can have the guidance I once needed, and start building a version of yourself that feels real and unshakable.
As young women, we live in a world that constantly tells us what to value, how to act, and what success should mean. But here’s the truth: what society values is not always what’s right or what will truly fulfill you. Society often glorifies appearance over substance, popularity over integrity, and instant gratification over long-term growth. If you follow those external values blindly, you’ll always feel like you’re chasing something that never quite satisfies you.
The key is to define your own principles and values, to know what truly matters to you, not what the world says should matter. Because the more you root yourself in who you are, the more solid, confident, and unshakable you become.
What Does It Mean to Be a Solid Person?
To be “solid” means to be deeply rooted in who you are, so much so that no opinion, no amount of praise, or criticism can shake you.
To stay grounded, you have to understand one important truth: not everything people say or believe is right.
Just because someone feels strongly about something doesn’t make it true. Often, people’s opinions (good or bad) come from their own emotions, biases, or limited perspectives, not from universal truth or wisdom.
Most times people’s opinions are reflections of preferences, and preferences are usually shaped by emotions – temporary and constantly changing.
Even when the majority agrees on something, it doesn’t mean it’s the right thing for you. Most people are simply reacting to their emotional states or what makes them feel secure in the moment.
Example:
- A friend values instant freedom and moves out of her parents’ house as soon as she can.
- You value delayed gratification and choose to stay at home longer to save money.
Neither decision is better. Both reflect different values. The key is staying true to your own truth, not letting others’ emotional preferences dictate your life.
Why Being Rooted in Who You Are Matters
When you’re solid, you stop living on emotional autopilot. You’re no longer controlled by opinions, trends, or people’s shifting moods. Instead, you respond from a place of clarity and confidence.
Being solid means you can stand tall in who you are even when others disagree or don’t understand your choices. It gives you peace, because your actions are aligned with your values. You stop seeking validation, stop betraying yourself for acceptance, and begin to trust your own judgment.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what other people think or say, because you’re living in alignment with yourself. That’s where real confidence and self-respect come from.
And yes, sometimes it will feel hard. Staying true to yourself can be lonely, uncomfortable, and even misunderstood. But I promise, if you stick to it, you’ll look back and be proud you did. Because being solid means that no matter what happens around you, you never betray yourself in the process.
How to Build Your Own Values
Your values and principles are the foundation of your character. They shape how you live, what you prioritize, and how you show up in the world. But most of us never take the time to intentionally decide what those are, we just absorb them from our parents, friends, or society.
Becoming solid starts with bringing awareness to what truly matters to you and why.
The truth is, I can’t tell you what your values should be, and no one else can either. You have to define them for yourself. But what I can tell you is this: not everything the world glorifies is worth valuing.
Society often teaches us to value the wrong things, things that look good on the outside but leave you empty inside. Money, appearance, status, and validation are not bad on their own, but when they become the center of your value system, they can pull you away from who you really are.
Instead, focus on creating values that feel aligned with your deeper self, the version of you that wants to grow, love, and contribute meaningfully.
Here’s how you can start:
- Reflect on what truly fulfills you.
Think about the moments when you’ve felt most alive, proud, or at peace. What were you doing? Who were you being? Those moments usually point to your core values. - Ask yourself what you want to stand for.
If someone described you when you’re not in the room, what would you want them to say? Kind? Honest? Resilient? Loyal? Grounded? These clues help reveal your principles. - Notice what drains you or feels wrong.
When something feels off or heavy, it’s usually because it goes against your values. Pay attention to those signals, they’re your compass guiding you back to alignment. - Write them down and define them clearly.
Don’t just say “I value kindness.” Ask, What does kindness mean to me? How do I live that out every day? The more personal and defined your values are, the stronger they become. - Revisit and refine.
As you grow, your values may evolve, and that’s okay. What matters is that you always return to them intentionally, not by default.
When you live by values and principles you’ve consciously chosen, you build a solid foundation that guides decisions, relationships, and challenges. It’s what keeps you strong when life tests you, and what helps you make decisions you’re proud of, even when no one’s watching.
Looking Ahead
As you strengthen your values, the next step is exploring principles, the timeless truths that guide your behavior no matter the situation. Principles are the foundation that makes you truly unshakable. In my next post, we’ll dive into the difference between preferences, values, and principles, and how to consciously build your own.
Mindful Design 
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